Suicide Prevention May Not Mean What You Think
Greensboro Grief and Trauma Counseling
The term prevention can be a tricky word for suicide loss survivors because for some it may seem to imply that there was something they missed along the way. But suicide prevention doesn’t mean that all suicides can be prevented any more than cancer prevention means that there will be no more cancer. We work toward it. We do what we can. Hopefully, we can prevent some, but we can’t prevent them all. It is too complex of a health outcome for all suicide loss and cancer deaths to be extinguished.
If you’ve experienced suicide loss, it is normal to feel shock, heaviness, low energy, interrupted sleep, changes in appetite, guilt, anger, relief, bitterness, jealousy, and brain fog just to name a few. It can feel as if we are losing our mind because of all the physiological changes that happen within our bodies. Our nervous system becomes overloaded which does not allow our brains to function efficiently.
Our loved ones (a.k.a. our attachment bonds) are neurally mapped in our brain around the love and the relationship. It takes your brain a hot minute to understand and accept the finality of the loss of the loved one. It’s like a Google Car that drives down roads that are constantly changing as our brain relearns what it’s like to live in a world without our person. That’s why it’s so common to receive good news and pick up the phone before we realize that we can’t do that anymore. And the grief washes over us anew.
Death by suicide leaves survivors with the excruciating question of “WHY????” As survivors, we go on a quest to try to figure out what we missed, what happened, and many times, how we are to blame. This is a normal quest, but eventually, we come to accept that we have no answers that bring closure. Even if we did get the answers we were searching for, it wouldn’t be a satisfying answer.
Unfortunately, with suicide loss, there is a combination of grief and trauma which makes the loss feel unbearable as we grapple with the unthinkable. There are layers of grief after traumatic loss and each one must be explored. And eventually, we get some peace as we do our grief work over time.
If you are new in grief, the most important things to focus on are nourishing your body, staying hydrated, getting adequate sleep, and leaning into social support. Suicide loss is an experience that is too much to carry alone and we need the help of our friends and family. If you are not very connected, you can start with a coach, a therapist, or an online group to gain support and help to normalize your experience of traumatic grief. As you change, your grief will change too.
It can feel like the overwhelm will last forever, but it will change because no feeling is final. Grief tends to ebb and flow. In the beginning, it comes with great intensity and frequency, but over time, it seems to lessen. However, you can experience grief bursts of sudden, intense waves of grief that seemingly come out of nowhere. With time and grief work, you will find it easier to recover from these experiences.
So, how do you heal? Slowly…one layer at a time. You touch the pain and you take a break from it over and over again until you look back on your journey and see how far you’ve come. This takes intentional work and social support.
While you may feel alone as a suicide loss survivor, research tells us that more than 60% of Americans have been touched by suicide loss in some way. For every 1 person who dies by suicide, about 135 people are impacted in some way.
We can all help to change the stigma by speaking of our unspeakable losses. Shame needs secrecy to survive but when we bring it into the light, it can begin to heal. Speaking out openly can be powerful and healing.
September is Suicide Prevention Month, but it doesn’t stop on September 30. Countless organizations such as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention work tirelessly all year long to provide help and support to those who struggle on the front end or in the aftermath of suicide loss. We can all do our part by helping to end the stigma by being human – showing up for one another without judgment and with compassion.
If you need one-on-one support, please reach out to Breathe Again Counseling. We have had extensive training and provided help to countless grievers. We’d be honored to accompany you on your grief journey and teach you tools you can carry with you for a lifetime.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or behaviors, please reach out to your local emergency room department or call/text 988 for help and support.
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