When You Feel Strong Emotions but You Don’t Know Why

Have you ever had the experience of going through your normal routine of life when suddenly you notice that you are feeling strong emotions like anxiety, sadness, or fear? You might wonder, “What just happened?!?!” As you begin to think about it, you can’t think of anything that may have caused it.

You have something called procedural memory. Procedural memory happens when you recall information that you’ve learned without having to think about it. When you learn to ride a bike or drive a car, you don’t have to think about each movement. You just know what to do. And even if you haven’t done either of them for a while, you don’t usually forget how to do them. Procedural memory is a part of your implicit memory which help you to do things without consciously thinking about them.

Implicit memories are learned from the time you are in your mother’s womb and before you can speak. This might explain why children who are adopted can feel separate from a family even when that family is supportive and healthy. I’ve heard people say, “I just always felt different somehow. I couldn’t explain it. It was weird, but then I found out I was adopted and it just kinda all made sense to me. I guess I had this knowing deep within me that I didn’t realize I had.” Have you ever had a similar experience?

Our brains are always taking in information. Our bodies are too. If you’ve never read the book, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, it’s a great read! In it, the author talks about how trauma changes the wiring in our brains and bodies. He states that when overwhelming experiences happen and you don’t have support or repair, it gets stored in your body differently than other experiences. These experiences can continue to affect you throughout life because the body does not forget them.

As you go through life, you can be exposed to many kinds of reminders that can awaken old memory networks. When they are awakened, you can start to experience different types of symptoms like insomnia, shame, anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance – just to name a few. These old memory networks can activate your vagus nerve which can take you out of feeling calm and connected to a space of fight, flight, or freeze.

Why does the body do this you ask? The simple answer is to keep you safe. Your brain’s primary job is to make sure you survive. When you get activated and you get sympathetic energy, you are in a fight or flight state. Its purpose is to help you fight back or to run so that you are safe. If you can’t fight or flee, the body keeps sending alarm bells to your system and you go into a freeze state. Again, this is to keep you safe. Have you ever seen an animal play dead to avoid being eaten by a predator?

Even though these states can be alarming, they are very protective. However, sometimes your alarm system begins to misfire and tell you that you are in danger when, in fact, you are not. This is what happens when those old memory networks get activated. Because of procedural memory, you experience something that was similar to what happened in your past, but you experience it in the present. Because the body remembers, the body thinks it is in danger just like it was in the past.

So, what do you do?

First, get in touch with a mental health counselor who is trauma informed and trained. They understand how much the body is impacted by trauma whether it occurred yesterday or over a decade ago. They can help you to process past and present experiences.

Second, try some deep breathing. If you can remember that a box has four sides, you can remember how to do a deep breathing technique called Box Breathing. Simply, breathe in through your nose for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, blow out through pursed lips for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this for 2-3 minutes.

Third, notice what is happening in your body. Name it. For example, with anxiety you might say that you notice your heart rate is increasing, your chest feels tight, your stomach feels like it is in knots, and you may have the urge to run to the bathroom. Notice your breathing. Is it shallow and fast or deep and slow? Notice what happens after you do some deep breathing.

Fourth, be compassionate toward yourself and say something that will be helpful. Instead of, “Ugh…I’m anxious again. I hate this!”, try telling yourself something different. For example, you might say, “I notice that I’m feeling anxious. I feel my heart racing. I notice that I can’t think very clearly. I feel my body tensing up. It’s ok to feel this. These are just sensations. I’ve had them before, and I know they will pass.”

Implicit memories can be tricky! That’s why working with a trained therapist can be helpful. And it’s important to know that healing happens when healing happens. It’s not a quick fix or a fast process. Why? Because you are creating new neural networks in your brain to rewrite how old experiences are interpreted. Friend, learning how to live a healthy life that keeps you in the driver’s seat of your life is possible even when it takes time.