Sometimes, You Just Want Your Grief to be Witnessed

Do you find that you have a hard time quieting your mind? Maybe you feel as though you have a hamster wheel in your brain and that little hamster just won’t hop off the wheel no matter what you do! You replay every piece of the conversation or event over and over. You can even start to judge yourself for what did or didn’t do or say. But all of this is an internal dialogue that doesn’t get processed out loud or get feedback from others.

Those who tend to hold in their grief and not express it are the ones who may suffer from ruminating thoughts and feeling stuck. Research has shown that people who experience trauma and use thought suppression to try to control their thoughts may increase the very emotions and thoughts that they are trying to control (Gold & Wegner, 1995). Rumination can even become a habit that reinforces the negative thoughts and emotions (Watkins & Roberts, 2020).

Sometimes, you simply need to be able to express your grief and have it witnessed by another. Think about this: there is nothing in life that God asks you to do alone. He calls you into community with Himself and/or others. You see, growth does not happen in a vacuum. It happens in the presence of God and safe others. And healing happens this way too. It takes grace, truth, and time. It’s not time alone. It’s what you do with the time that makes the difference.

Grief takes a lot of grace. Grace for yourself and grace for others because – let’s face it – people can say some really irritating and hurtful things. So, what is grace? Grace is getting something that you didn’t earn. It’s something that is given freely out of love. There are three sources from which you can receive grace – God, others, and yourself. The grace of God basically means that God is for you and will give you what you need as you need it. Others offer grace by bringing their presence to us as people who can look us in the eye, touch us, and literally hold us up if needed. As we receive grace from God and others, we internalize it and are able to give it to ourselves. You can’t just give grace to yourself – no matter how many times you’ve heard it said – unless you have received it from the outside and internalized it. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have said, “You cannot let down and let go unless you are being held up. If there is not enough love to sustain us both inside and out, then we cannot let go of anything – even something bad. (Cloud & Townsend, 2001).” When you internalize love and support, you can get the safety and confidence you need to take the next step of the journey.

Breathe Again Counseling offers a supportive, compassionate, person-centered approach combined with evidence-based therapy. You were created to know and be known, but in this imperfect world, you may have learned how to hide your true thoughts and feelings for fear of being judged and/or rejected. I (Wendy) offer a space for you to tell your story piece by piece as you feel ready. There is no judgment because everyone in this life is human, meaning that no one has lived perfectly (except for Jesus). Sometimes, you need to be able to say things out loud and hear yourself think! Wouldn’t it be nice to have a place where you can share your story and have support as you walk the lonely path of grief, loss, and/or trauma? Reach out today through the contact form to schedule a time to see how Breathe Again Counseling may be able to help.

Cloud, H. & Townsend, H. (2001). How people grow: What the Bible reveals about personal growth. Zondervan.

Gold, D. B., & Wegner, D. M. (1995). Origins of ruminative thought: Trauma, incompleteness, nondisclosure, and suppression. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 25(14), 1245-1261.

Watkins, E. R., & Roberts, H. (2020). Reflecting on rumination: Consequences, causes, mechanisms and treatment of rumination. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 127, 103573.