The New You is Just Ahead

When you’ve experienced trauma that hasn’t been fully processed, failed New Year’s resolutions can leave you feeling shame, self-hatred, and despair. You might think, “Why does it seem so easy for others and yet, I can’t get to the end of the month?” Friend, if you’ve experienced trauma (and let me reassure you, that includes many of us), perhaps you might consider shifting your focus for the new year.

The Body and Trauma

Our body holds the trauma we’ve experienced, and therefore to heal, we must be connected to our body. The more trauma you’ve experienced, the more easily your brain and body activate pathways of threat as a way to attempt to keep you safe. It happens without your conscious awareness and may respond before you even notice it.

Your body has its own surveillance system that is always on and always looking out for you called neuroception. (You can read a previous blog post here that talks about it more in depth.) It scans for danger within you, outside of you, and between you and others. When it senses danger, it takes one of two pathways – it primes you for action (fight or flight) or it conserves energy by suppressing states of fight and flight (freeze). When you are in one of these stress states, you don’t feel safe or in connection with others. In order to heal, you have to get back to a place of safety and connection where your body feels at peace. It’s not that life is perfect, but you feel like you handle it. You can feel your anger or irritation and come back into a feeling of safety and connection.

So, what if instead of failing at a goal, your body is telling you it needs something else? Maybe it’s time to shift your focus from meeting a New Year’s resolution to calming your nervous system. However, in order to do that, you must connect with your body and give your mind a break.

Unhealthy Thought Patterns

Many times, there are unhealthy thought patterns that keep you stuck. You might catastrophize without facts to support imminent danger or perhaps you focus on the negative and discount the positive. There are many different types of automatic negative thought patterns (ANTs) that you may have learned to use. In order to begin to heal, you have to not only connect to your body, but you also need to challenge your thought patterns. (For a great resource on how to do this, please click here.) You must clear any ANT infestations and replace them with accurate thoughts that are based in reality!

Stress

When you live in a constant state of stress, your nervous system is constantly activated even when you are in a safe environment. And what we know about chronic stress is that it causes physical problems in the body over time. Adrenaline and cortisol are wonderful chemicals that help us in times of stress, but they are meant to be temporary, not constant.

And stress, whether it’s from trauma or everyday stress that gets compiled, when not processed affects your physical and emotional bodies. Many times, we normalize to stress, and we don’t even realize it. It’s like the myth you’ve probably heard about a frog staying in hot water if it is gradually turned up because it doesn’t realize it’s happening when it happens little by little. Or perhaps you do realize it, but life is going so fast, you don’t know how to stop it and change it. And the longer we continue in this pattern, the less resourceful our bodies are to aid in the healing process.

How to Get into a Healing State

If you want your body to heal, you must give the body what it needs to heal. You might think that doctors heal people, but the truth is that doctors help to give the body what it needs so that the body can heal itself. Some of the things that are a healthy foundation include nutrition, exercise, sleep, and getting into nature when appropriate.

So, if you decide to switch from a New Year’s resolution to healing your body so that you can meet more of your goals and live the life you want to live, you must begin to calm the body. The way you do that is by incorporating the basics listed above. Start where you are. Begin by changing one thing. Then add another thing when the first thing has become your new routine. Next, use mindful noticing to connect with your body and know what is happening within it. (For a great practice, you can check out this video.) Feeling your feelings instead of avoiding them is a part of mindful awareness. If you have ANTs, begin to challenge and replace them. If you notice you have difficulty stopping them, work with a therapist to incorporate new ways of thinking. But don’t stay in your head! You will need to give your mind a break by continuing to connect with your body and feel your feelings. You need your mind, your body, and your feelings to live in a healing state.

You’ve Got This

What were at one time survival patterns in childhood, have probably become dysfunctional patterns in adulthood. But now it’s time to change the relationship you have with yourself and give yourself (as the adult) the emotional holding you have needed. It’s a new year, and it’s time for a new you! If you need help to overcome unhealthy patterns, reach out so that you can make this the best year yet!